OMG - I need to hear all about the Dolomites trip - my sister and I are going in Sept.
Happy Birthday! I am so happy that you have so many things that bring you contentment. It feels really hard some days to just sink into that when the world seems on fire. But I think we have to still allow ourselves to find/keep/make our own joys, because that is what we truly have control over.
I have many more birthdays in the past than I have in my future, so that has been influencing a lot of my decisions. (Like hiking in the Dolomites!) I don't have an unlimited amount of time to do that kind of thing.
Being outside in the garden, and off-line is also the best place for my head and body right now.
Having read your post, I looked up the word "maturity" and AI gave me this back: Maturity is multifaceted, but several key signs point to emotional and social growth. These include taking responsibility for actions, demonstrating empathy, managing emotions effectively, and having strong communication skills. Other signs include practicing self-awareness, showing resilience in the face of challenges, and being able to admit when wrong.
Given the above definition, you have mostly been "mature" like forever. Perhaps the "feeling" of having agency has caught up with the way you have always acted. Realizing your skills as well as your boundaries is a great thing, especially when it comes from the inside. Love you, Mom.
Oooooo, the Dolomites. We walked up to the Puez Hut from Kolfusch in 2023, to scout, but it now looks like several years before we'll get to do the five day hike we then planned. So glad your hike was epic!
I also have felt contentment lately, like just really grateful for how life is going. I feel you in that it almost feels un-allowable with the state of the world, as if we are undeserving of a good life when so many people are suffering. Thank you for this post!
Have you read Anne Helen Peterson’s piece about the portal? I thought it was super interesting and smart (like all her work), and touches on these vague feelings
I really love the thoughtful nuance of her work, but I didn’t recognize the piece you’re referencing and couldn’t find it in a quick glance at Culture Study. Could you point me in the right direction, please?
It’s called ‘Are you in the portal?’. It seems I can’t copy and paste the link within the app, but I think if you google it, you’ll find it. It’s from October 2023.
I just celebrated my 70th birthday! (I still have that YIKES feeling as I write this.) I did not share your feeling of contentment at 40; it's taken me awhile but I am beginning to feel it now. As I embark on my life's next adventure -- retirement (!!!)--I am reflecting on my accomplishments both personal (raising a family) and professional (olive oil expert). When I begin to get blue about aging I redirect the conversation in my head to celebrate joy. (btw I love the photo of you smiling with your ice cream treat!) Happy birthday and I'm wishing you MANY MANY more!
I am also approaching 40 and feeling the contentment settling in. Ambition has its place, and I am so grateful for all the ambitious folks who are using their drive to make the world a better place in particular, but in my life, ambition has mostly been the product of insecurity. A striving born of uneasiness, of the sense that it is unsafe to stop trying to do more, to be more. Thanks, late stage capitalism! 💁♀️ Anyway, I feel more comfortable in my newer contentment when I reframe it not as the opposite of ambition, but as its own thing: peace. And when I get too restless, I watch some slow living content creators on YouTube who remind me of the messages I really believe in, like the fact that rest does not have to be earned, or where it is that all the internalized messages about what we “should” be doing, achieving, striving for, prioritizing are coming from. (Spoiler: It’s not from sources that benefit from our feeling good about ourselves and rested and joyful and happy with our lives just as they are!)
I read your post 3 times and mulled it over while I was doing my morning routine. The first thought I had was, wow, you really have it together to have come to this reasoning/observation as you approach decade #4 of your life. You're on the right track. It's hard not to be effected by the tumultuous world vibration. For what it's worth, I have one day a week where I engage in
the news. If anything big happens you will know about it. The rest of the week is to focus on things/people you enjoy. Which you seem to be doing. Every day isn't perfect, but with conscious choice you can have a pretty good life and be happy at the end of the day. I don't know if this makes any sense to you or helps with the questions you have, but those are the thoughts that come to my 68 year-old mind at this moment. The world is a better place with you in it - of that I am sure. Thanks for opening up and sharing your feelings. We all have something to learn from each other.
I had a similar response! Basically: Go Julia! Keep doing what you’re doing! And change what you want when you want, cuz you’re on a good path.
Also, your advice feels spot on to me at 61. I was laid off last year after a career in tech; I am happier and also have unsettled days. Remembering to breathe helps, as does exercise. And of course being with loved ones!
of course I'm longing for more travel notes on where you ate on your trip -selfishly because I'm headed to UK soon for a dear friend's 60th! I read Rochelle's note on maturity...and what a great viewpoint that is. I think also there is a certain degree of, to use food language, savoring...slowing down and taking in more beauty, more little joys. Even a pile of laundry I've freshly folded can bring me joy and gratitude. And let's face it - there is a degree of I don't give a F what people think of me as a growing strength that needs no gym time but only the wisdom that comes from the privilege of aging. xoxo missing you and Sunday classes but enjoy your summer and early Happy Bday!! and belated to Grace.
I've been asking this very same question this week--how do I hold it all, all at once? Different reason-going through breast cancer chemo, but it's kind and reassuring to think of you also wondering about the same thing. How to hold the beauty, hard, gratitude, contentment, challenge, anxiety, joy.... all at once.
I am a huge fan of Kathryn Schulz’s book, “Lost and Found”, so listened to the E. Klein episode the minute I saw your post, Julia. Thank you for sharing that. She is an inspiration to me, and I recommend her book highly. A very wise woman brought AI into this conversation (above) with a definition of maturity. That wise woman is an inspiration to me, too. A lot of past and future here, and life is long, if you let it be. ❤️
1) I'm so happy for you that you are experiencing at least moments of contentment. Your thoughts that it's contentment without stillness of contentment - there are shades, like there are shades of joy and love. Relish, revel :). It also reminded me of your post from early this year, the night before a lift match. When Grace said it was ok to want to win. It's also ok to just be content. Sometimes all I have to do is to notice the edge of the contentment, then allow myself to do nothing, just be content. Those moments are fleeting, like all emotions. One of my goals is to remember and allow the contentment :)
OMG - I need to hear all about the Dolomites trip - my sister and I are going in Sept.
Happy Birthday! I am so happy that you have so many things that bring you contentment. It feels really hard some days to just sink into that when the world seems on fire. But I think we have to still allow ourselves to find/keep/make our own joys, because that is what we truly have control over.
I have many more birthdays in the past than I have in my future, so that has been influencing a lot of my decisions. (Like hiking in the Dolomites!) I don't have an unlimited amount of time to do that kind of thing.
Being outside in the garden, and off-line is also the best place for my head and body right now.
I too would love to hear about the Dolomites trip! It’s on my bucket list.
Having read your post, I looked up the word "maturity" and AI gave me this back: Maturity is multifaceted, but several key signs point to emotional and social growth. These include taking responsibility for actions, demonstrating empathy, managing emotions effectively, and having strong communication skills. Other signs include practicing self-awareness, showing resilience in the face of challenges, and being able to admit when wrong.
Given the above definition, you have mostly been "mature" like forever. Perhaps the "feeling" of having agency has caught up with the way you have always acted. Realizing your skills as well as your boundaries is a great thing, especially when it comes from the inside. Love you, Mom.
Oooooo, the Dolomites. We walked up to the Puez Hut from Kolfusch in 2023, to scout, but it now looks like several years before we'll get to do the five day hike we then planned. So glad your hike was epic!
I also have felt contentment lately, like just really grateful for how life is going. I feel you in that it almost feels un-allowable with the state of the world, as if we are undeserving of a good life when so many people are suffering. Thank you for this post!
worthy of remembering - beginning a hike with friends in the woods by running water and realizing that there was no where else I wanted to be
Have you read Anne Helen Peterson’s piece about the portal? I thought it was super interesting and smart (like all her work), and touches on these vague feelings
I really love the thoughtful nuance of her work, but I didn’t recognize the piece you’re referencing and couldn’t find it in a quick glance at Culture Study. Could you point me in the right direction, please?
https://annehelen.substack.com/p/are-you-in-the-portal
Hey thanks!
It’s called ‘Are you in the portal?’. It seems I can’t copy and paste the link within the app, but I think if you google it, you’ll find it. It’s from October 2023.
Totally get it. Need to fight for respect for all and need cushion of quiet contentment as respite. At age 77
I just celebrated my 70th birthday! (I still have that YIKES feeling as I write this.) I did not share your feeling of contentment at 40; it's taken me awhile but I am beginning to feel it now. As I embark on my life's next adventure -- retirement (!!!)--I am reflecting on my accomplishments both personal (raising a family) and professional (olive oil expert). When I begin to get blue about aging I redirect the conversation in my head to celebrate joy. (btw I love the photo of you smiling with your ice cream treat!) Happy birthday and I'm wishing you MANY MANY more!
I am also approaching 40 and feeling the contentment settling in. Ambition has its place, and I am so grateful for all the ambitious folks who are using their drive to make the world a better place in particular, but in my life, ambition has mostly been the product of insecurity. A striving born of uneasiness, of the sense that it is unsafe to stop trying to do more, to be more. Thanks, late stage capitalism! 💁♀️ Anyway, I feel more comfortable in my newer contentment when I reframe it not as the opposite of ambition, but as its own thing: peace. And when I get too restless, I watch some slow living content creators on YouTube who remind me of the messages I really believe in, like the fact that rest does not have to be earned, or where it is that all the internalized messages about what we “should” be doing, achieving, striving for, prioritizing are coming from. (Spoiler: It’s not from sources that benefit from our feeling good about ourselves and rested and joyful and happy with our lives just as they are!)
I read your post 3 times and mulled it over while I was doing my morning routine. The first thought I had was, wow, you really have it together to have come to this reasoning/observation as you approach decade #4 of your life. You're on the right track. It's hard not to be effected by the tumultuous world vibration. For what it's worth, I have one day a week where I engage in
the news. If anything big happens you will know about it. The rest of the week is to focus on things/people you enjoy. Which you seem to be doing. Every day isn't perfect, but with conscious choice you can have a pretty good life and be happy at the end of the day. I don't know if this makes any sense to you or helps with the questions you have, but those are the thoughts that come to my 68 year-old mind at this moment. The world is a better place with you in it - of that I am sure. Thanks for opening up and sharing your feelings. We all have something to learn from each other.
I had a similar response! Basically: Go Julia! Keep doing what you’re doing! And change what you want when you want, cuz you’re on a good path.
Also, your advice feels spot on to me at 61. I was laid off last year after a career in tech; I am happier and also have unsettled days. Remembering to breathe helps, as does exercise. And of course being with loved ones!
The golden brown hue on that marshmallow needs to be scientifically studied... yum!
of course I'm longing for more travel notes on where you ate on your trip -selfishly because I'm headed to UK soon for a dear friend's 60th! I read Rochelle's note on maturity...and what a great viewpoint that is. I think also there is a certain degree of, to use food language, savoring...slowing down and taking in more beauty, more little joys. Even a pile of laundry I've freshly folded can bring me joy and gratitude. And let's face it - there is a degree of I don't give a F what people think of me as a growing strength that needs no gym time but only the wisdom that comes from the privilege of aging. xoxo missing you and Sunday classes but enjoy your summer and early Happy Bday!! and belated to Grace.
You are the least Leo Leo I know!
I've been asking this very same question this week--how do I hold it all, all at once? Different reason-going through breast cancer chemo, but it's kind and reassuring to think of you also wondering about the same thing. How to hold the beauty, hard, gratitude, contentment, challenge, anxiety, joy.... all at once.
I am a huge fan of Kathryn Schulz’s book, “Lost and Found”, so listened to the E. Klein episode the minute I saw your post, Julia. Thank you for sharing that. She is an inspiration to me, and I recommend her book highly. A very wise woman brought AI into this conversation (above) with a definition of maturity. That wise woman is an inspiration to me, too. A lot of past and future here, and life is long, if you let it be. ❤️
1) I'm so happy for you that you are experiencing at least moments of contentment. Your thoughts that it's contentment without stillness of contentment - there are shades, like there are shades of joy and love. Relish, revel :). It also reminded me of your post from early this year, the night before a lift match. When Grace said it was ok to want to win. It's also ok to just be content. Sometimes all I have to do is to notice the edge of the contentment, then allow myself to do nothing, just be content. Those moments are fleeting, like all emotions. One of my goals is to remember and allow the contentment :)