asking for a friend...
and some sweet moments from this month
A thought/a feeling…what are yours?
I am turning 40 in a month (old soul / baby face!) and I’ve been doing some reflecting. Recently I told Grace that I’ve been feeling something new-to-me which is…
…I’m honestly not sure exactly what to call it.
Satisfied feels right, but not exactly it. I’ve been feeling less driven than I used to, which might sound bad, but I think it’s really good. I guess I’d describe the feeling as “less hamster wheel, more contentment.” But I don’t feel the stillness I often associate with contentment.
I guess the truth is I’ve been having a hard time knowing how to feel settled in my contentment, especially against the backdrop of everything happening in the world. Maybe feeling settled is impossible in a world filled with so much violence and war and hunger and greed. Maybe what’s possible is continually figuring out how to know it all can be true at the same time.
How do you hold it all at once? What do you do with all the things that are true simultaneously? I thought this conversation between Ezra Klein and Kathryn Schulz was particularly wonderful on this topic.
I know this is all a little vague, but I think maybe you might get it? If anyone has any thoughts on this, especially my readers who are older than me (love you all), I’m all ears. The comment section is open to everyone today. Please share your thoughts — I’m sure I’m not the only one who wants to hear them.
Something that helped
With this slightly restless feeling, I recently did what I often do, which is scroll through my photo roll. I like to see what has felt worthy of snapping a photo of. How did I feel in that moment? Why did I want to remember it?
Looking at recent photos has helped me realize how proud I am and grateful for the life Grace and I have built for ourselves. It allows for so much time enjoying really simple things. Being outside. Eating food that tastes good. Being with family and loved ones. Laughing so hard my face hurts. Telling the people I love not only that I love them, but why I love them.
Looking back at the last month makes me feel that I’m going into my birthday month (don’t worry, I’m not the type of Leo who celebrates alllll month) maybe a bit more settled in my contentment than I thought I was. I’ll take it.
Here are some highlights from my June photo roll:
Having read your post, I looked up the word "maturity" and AI gave me this back: Maturity is multifaceted, but several key signs point to emotional and social growth. These include taking responsibility for actions, demonstrating empathy, managing emotions effectively, and having strong communication skills. Other signs include practicing self-awareness, showing resilience in the face of challenges, and being able to admit when wrong.
Given the above definition, you have mostly been "mature" like forever. Perhaps the "feeling" of having agency has caught up with the way you have always acted. Realizing your skills as well as your boundaries is a great thing, especially when it comes from the inside. Love you, Mom.
I'm 81 so I guess that qualifies me as someone who is wise! LOL. I never expected that this is the way my old age would go. All I seem to be able to do right now (besides lift heavy things, cook dinner, walk the dog, read, watch some TV and complain about the heat) is worry about social and political happenings here in the US. I spent my birthday downtown in 110 degrees because it was also No Kings Day. I surely should have been hanging out with my friends and eating birthday cake! But, no. I was at my millionth protest! I have been protesting or fighting or marching since the 1960s. I'm from the original "ban the bomb" group. Yes, I know. My politics is left of left so not very popular with most people but truly all I want is for everyone to be happy and healthy. That means that everyone has access to good healthcare, good food, a lovely home, whatever education they choose for themselves, etc. etc. etc. Instead I find myself tearful most days or full of anger and dread when I'm not tearful. These are rough times.