Food + Romance
...why I love romance novels and am so excited to have interviewed my two favorite romance writers
This morning my wife Grace brought me a clementine that I didn't even know I wanted and had already peeled it. It was a small gesture, but such a sweet and attentive one. It made me feel not only thought of, but also excited. Grace still wants to surprise me, I thought. Food is not only my favorite way to tell someone, especially my wife, that I love them— it's also a way for me to be reminded that I am loved.
I love love. I'm always thinking about it and how it feels and how to express it and how to receive it. One of the ways I've nurtured this love of love is by reading a ton of romance novels.
The first time I ever read a romance novel was only a few years ago, in December 2019 to be exact.
I was alone at this kind-of bizarre yoga retreat center even though I don't really do yoga and I was trying to not be on my phone. I had been following Jasmine Guillory, the very popular romance novelist, online for a bit and decided to download her first book, The Wedding Date, on my e-reader so I could turn to that when I would normally turn to my phone. I was hooked. I skipped the yoga classes I had signed up for to read instead. I settled myself into a cozy chair and basically didn't get up until I finished the book. Time both paused and flew by. I had come to this retreat center looking for relief from professional burnout, and had paid a lot to do so. I was looking to separate myself from my responsibilities and my tether to social media and all of the comparison that comes with it. It turned out I didn't need to actually go anywhere. I just needed a romance novel.
Since then, I've read hundreds of them, mostly lesbian romances (though I do make exceptions for the heterosexual couples in Jasmine's numerous books because I love her writing!). Romance novels have been one of my most reliable forms of escape. They've also helped remind me what hope and excitement feel like when the events of the world make those feelings feel hard to come by. They have also reinvigorated my love of reading, which had come to feel like something I had to do, not something I wanted to do.
I had the incredible pleasure of interviewing Jasmine for an episode of my podcast and my other favorite romance writer, Casey McQuiston, whose queer rom-coms have been a huge contributor to the mainstreaming of queer storytelling (so much so that Casey was the face of the recent New York Times article "L.G.B.T.Q. Romance is Booming").
This mini series is just two episodes— here's the episode with Jasmine, here's the episode with Casey. The conversations were held independently and of course you can just listen to one. But in editing them (which means I've listened to them multiple times), I've come to realize that the conversations are really great companions to each other.
I got to talk to both writers about what food means to them personally and how they write it into their novels. I also got to talk to both of them how the consumption of food is such an important thing for their characters to experience and what it means for all of us to have the chance to read about people who have unapologetic appetites— whether for food, love, sex...life!
I am so excited to share these conversations with you and hope you enjoy them. Wishing you all lots and lots of love.
xo, Julia
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Do you also love love? Do you recommend any specific romance novels? Is food also your most go-to love language? Leave a comment below! [comments are only open to paid subscribers / please consider a paid subscription if you’d like to be part of this very kind community!]
I hope this sounds kind and not, as I suspect, creepy, but when a friend mentions they dislike a certain food I will make a note of it. Often an actual note in my notes app (“Liz hates tomatoes!”). I cook a lot for people, and one way I try to show love is to remember their preferences and dislikes. (Especially because grownups often feel sheepish admitting they don’t like something!)
Anyway, food is very much love to me. When people remember my tastes I really feel seen and cared for.
I love showing how I care through cooking and food. It took me a while to understand why the first thing my mom asks when I visit is "Have you eaten?"
I do the same now with practically everyone I love! Like when I pick up a chocolate bar for my husband every time I grocery shop, or when I have unexpected guests over and I make them a cup of coffee or tea and slice up veggies for a snack.